Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
