I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
