Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
