what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
