I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
