It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
