I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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