My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
