The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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