Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
