I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
