I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize