I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize