Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
