I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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