**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
