My liver just broke up with me...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
