just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
