I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
