there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
