you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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