I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
