the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
