how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
