So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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