I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
