So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize