Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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