I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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