great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
