She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
