She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
