You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
