Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
