P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is wine microwaveable?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
