She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
ttyl tear gas
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
