i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
