he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
