I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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