i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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