Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
