Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
