everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
