my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
