they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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