Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
