What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
