Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
