I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
