It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
