I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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