Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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