ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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