My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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