3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize