I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Enjoy the penises
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
