dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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