I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
