Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
