too bad you live with your parents still
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
