I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
