I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
