Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
