Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
