I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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