I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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