So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
