That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
