I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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