the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
