What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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