And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
