What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
