whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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