If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
