shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
