Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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