You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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