Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
