This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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