I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
