Do you still have your period?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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