Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
