Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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