How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
