I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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