that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
