This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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